Ok so there are many reasons why this statement is true...
Let's assume a mythical world where: the women's scene has finally caught up with the men's; I've managed to double my output power and have the tiniest chance of chasing Lizzie Armitstead up a hill; I'm ten years younger; I've won a few races at neopro level and have been signed by Sky, yes they have a pro women's team in this new equal world (if we're gonna do this let's at least aim high!!)...
The point is, (and this is obviously the main thing standing in my way), we found out today that my haematocrit levels are a whopping 53!! 50 would get me a three year ban from pro cycling and all my yellow jerseys stripped away from me (common a girl can dream!) and a life ban from the Olympics!
For those interested, haematocrit is a measure of the volume percentage of red blood cells in your blood. The normal levels are 45% for blokes and 40% for ladies (according to the thoroughly reliable wikipedia!). As red blood cells carry haemoglobin and hence transport oxygen around the body, one's haematocrit levels are a measure of the ability to use oxygen. At altitude, the body (amazing thing that it is) adapts and makes more of these little bi-concave ruby gems so that it can cope with the severally reduced oxygen concentration in the air we breathe (less pressure means fewer molecules per unit volume, hence fewer oxygen molecules per breath). This (along with several other adaptations to increase oxygen affinity) is why athletes altitude train. So that when they are back on their normal turf they can use the more abundant oxygen more efficiently than the next guy. It's also why cyclists (not limited to cyclists but that's what I know about) dope, either using EPO to increase their haematocrit levels unnaturally, or more drastically use blood transfusions to do the same. Any cyclist with a haematocrit of 50% or higher is considered abnormal and thus is banned from the sport. (It should be noted that the 50% limit is for male pro cyclists, the fact I have no idea what the female limit is and if it is different, I suspect lower if anything, speaks wonders for the inequality in pro road cycling... Or just that I read a lot of cyclists books written by men!).
So the long and short of it is, that I'm super stoked and dancing about like a monkey on heat (do they do that??!) because I'm illegally high in the cycling sense. Ok so I had to go to the doctors today and poo in a pot and get stabbed and faint (can grit teeth and hurt on a 4 hour climb, cannot have a small spikey object stuck into my arm), just to prove that Ant and I (extrapolating to Ant, he DID NOT have the pleasure of pot pooing and spiking) have not one, but two strains of salmonella* (which explains our fevers and fatigue...and other things I'll leave to your imagination).
(*we're fine, our bodies have coped admirably well with the gremlins, the doctor who was superb and hilarious was super chuffed that his diagnosis was better than ours... We thought we had giardia... I think he would only have been happier if we had all four strains... We rated his competitive pride!!)
So armed with another course of antibiotics that we'll not take yet (feeling much better, and don't want to weaken immune systems for future gremlins or contribute to evolving the resistance of the little critters) we prepare to hop the over night bus to Uyuni tonight. Just enough time for a few hours kip, pie and chips and sausage and mash in the English pub (appetite back then!) and we're on our way.
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